Men Do Remember Anniversaries
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Publié :15/1/2008 8h14
Dernière mise à jour :16/8/2013 12h15 10530 vues
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the table with a hot cup of coffee in front ofhim.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of hiscoffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.
“Why are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looks up from his coffee,”Do you remember 20 years ago when
we were dating, and you were only 16?”he asked solemnly.
The wife touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring andsensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair besidehim.
The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in myface and said, “Either marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for20 years?”
“I remember that to” she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, ” I would have gotten out today.”
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When women lie?
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Publié :12/1/2008 7h46
Dernière mise à jour :15/1/2008 8h15 10714 vues
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One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, " My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
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A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS
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Publié :4/1/2008 17h11
Dernière mise à jour :16/1/2008 18h46 10462 vues
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A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS
Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be skinnier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house..
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes~~~~ might be lonely.
And the word says, 'If I have not Love, I am nothing.'
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,
'I am too Blessed to be Stressed and too Anointed, to be Disappointed!'
'Winners make things happen~~ Losers let things happen.'
Be 'Blessed' Ladies~~~~~ and pass this on to encourage another woman.
'To the world you might be one person, but to the one person you just sent this to, it could mean so much.'
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2008 CONTRACT
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Publié :1/1/2008 5h20
Dernière mise à jour :12/1/2008 17h05 10832 vues
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After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008!
It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!
My Wish for You in 2008
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............
May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!
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Happy New Year Wish
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Publié :28/12/2007 17h57
Dernière mise à jour :30/5/2024 10h46 10362 vues
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My Happy New Year wish for you
Is for your best year yet,
A year where life is peaceful,
And what you want, you get.
A year in which you cherish
The past year’s memories,
And live your life each new day
Full of bright expectancies.
I wish for you a holiday
With happiness galore;
And when it’s done, I wish you
Happy New Year, and many more.
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Happy Holidays
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Publié :24/12/2007 14h51
Dernière mise à jour :1/1/2008 18h25 10361 vues
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May you have a joyous and blessed Christmas , and May the New year hold peace, prosperity ,love, hope , Joy and good health for everyone. May you have many presents, good food Surrounded with family, friends and Loved ones.
May 2008 be for you all You had hoped for And more. With all my love and blessings for a Wonderful Christmas and New Years.
Love, hugs and Christmas blessings, Danette
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What did Santa bring?
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Publié :20/12/2007 12h15
Dernière mise à jour :12/2/2013 12h46 10527 vues
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City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said 'did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yep,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you got there,Sir, did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes, he sure did,' chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.'
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Apples and wine
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Publié :15/12/2007 9h36
Dernière mise à jour :12/2/2013 12h48 10614 vues
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Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now men. . . men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it is up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Publié :11/12/2007 5h14
Dernière mise à jour :4/1/2008 18h35 10764 vues
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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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Lesson for a husband......................
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Publié :11/12/2007 5h09
Dernière mise à jour :12/1/2008 7h47 10836 vues
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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
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Letter to Santa from MOM...............
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Publié :7/12/2007 5h34
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2012 17h45 10947 vues
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Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years..
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.
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Let's play the If We Had Sex Game...
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Publié :4/12/2007 19h28
Dernière mise à jour :28/12/2007 17h57 10814 vues
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Lets play the If We Had Sex Game... Now don't be
scared.... you never know who really wants to do you!
Here are the rules to the game.. Be honest, be open, we ~ALL~ wanna know
And make it interesting people, don't just type
YES or NO for every question
1. Would you be in control?
2. Would you pull my hair?
3. Would you whisper in my ear?
4. Would you talk dirty to me?
5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of
tongue?
6. Would you say my name?
7. Would you go down on me?
8. Would you let me give you a hickie?
9. What would you wanna do after-wards?
10. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine
off slowly?
11. Would you lick and bite me all over?
12. Would you like to play or get straight to the
point?
13. Would you want fast or slow?
14. Where would you wanna "do it".
15. Would you be loud or quiet?
16. Would you call me the next day?
17. Would you do it today?
18. Would you do it tomorrow?
19. Would you make love to me or fuck me?
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